Today is the hundredth day of hormone replacement therapy for me.
So, in celebration, I plan to drink some tequila & cocktails tonight. But before that, I figured I'd do another 'stray observations' style post.
- Laser hair removal doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would, but it's still very uncomfortable during the session, my face looks blotchy and red for a day or so afterwards, and on top of that having to be extra-careful going out without sunblock rather sucks - especially in Australia, where we all live about two and a half kilometres from the surface of the sun.
- I am now completely used to responding to and introducing myself as Elissa, whether I'm presenting female or andro. The weird thing becomes responding to my old name when I get official phone calls or the like - I haven't legally changed my name yet.
- Growing breasts is incredibly uncomfortable. I have taken to wearing (slightly) padded bras much of the time now, but not for aesthetic reasons. Because growing breasts are sore as hell, and very soft slightly-protective padding is helpful.
- They tend to be very sore for days at at time, and then be fine as long as I don't bump them by mistake. (Easy to do - as your body changes, getting used to the slightly different space it occupies is complicated.)
- On that subject, I have occasionally lost my balance lately. I am slowly putting on weight around my thighs and my chest, and losing it from my middle, and as my doctor pointed out, "your centre of gravity is changing". So that's fun.
- When I first went to buy women's clothing from various department stores, I was incredibly awkward. Some of my friends were awesome enough to come with me the first few times. That helped. But lately, something else happened: not only has the awkwardness gone away, but when I went to buy some cargo pants (men's cargo pants are 40x better than women's, generally)... I felt VERY out of place in the menswear section.
- I still find myself switching wildly between being self-conscious about looking too masculine, and revelling in my androgyny. Which I'll get to now...
- I have found myself really, really fascinated by peoples' reactions to me in public. Even when I get very rude people staring intensely at me, it doesn't so much make me embarrassed as curious. And I still intentionally present in a very androgynous style 90% of the time when I'm out and about, precisely because I know I haven't got much longer left any more to enjoy the odd experience of people simply having trouble gendering me. Going to make the most of this while I can, as a slightly odd social experiment.
- I am slowly, slowly becoming more comfortable with my voice again. Pre-transition, I used to love my voice. Was the only part of myself I did love. I was confident in what I sounded like and what I could do with it. Now, everything is reversed - I hate how I sound, and I'm having to train myself into being comfortable with still having a fairly masculine voice.
Anyway, cheers to the next hundred days...