Some more random observations culled from my private diary over the last few months.
- My experience coming out to friends and family has been predominantly positive. More than positive, actually - hugely encouraging. For quite a while I started feeling very weird. Like at some point the other penny would drop. And then, after that, feeling self-conscious. I knew how tough and painful coming out to friends and family could be for other trans people I knew, and began to feel kinda guilty that my own experience was so good. I still kinda feel that way at times. I wish more people in my situation could have an experience closer to my own so far.
- When I was little, playing video games with female protagonists was a great escape for me. Being able to 'be a girl' was absolutely amazing, and for a few hours I could ignore my own body and not just be a girl - but be a heroic one. I can assure you, my female Avatar in Ultima VII was the most amazing hero any fantasy world had ever seen, at least in my own mind.
- Despite identifying better with women, years of presenting as male and being used to the world reacting to me as one has meant that I still find I can identify with male characters in things just fine in movies. Though I swear, by now we've surely seen just about all straight white male stories people can dream up... But in games? I prefer to play women. Always.
- Also interesting: I still found/find myself engaging in some degree of wish-fulfillment with male film and TV characters, and it's never been too difficult for me. I think part of the reason is that if I'm imagining myself as James Bond (for some reason), Indiana Jones or whoever, a component of that fantasy IS feeling comfortable in my body. In fact, that was often a huge component. To be that confident and comfortable with yourself and not to have to fake it...
- While I would love to see more specifically-written female protagonists in games (as opposed to player-made ones like in most RPGs) a larger factor in my liking and identifying with a character is more about their behaviour and intellect that their gender identity or expression. More smart, witty, laterally-thinking people would be awesome.
- I suspect that the fact that I have always been attracted to girls probably made it tougher for me to accept that I had gender dysphoria. When I was younger, it was very easy to just dismiss it as the same fixation that all boys my age were getting with girls. I spent a lot of time trying to tell myself that wishing I was a girl was something all young boys wanted.
There's tons more to go through, obviously, but I am trying to best to at least broadly fit these into vaguely common categories.